The Real Slim Shady Lyrics

* From his forthcoming album The Marshall Mathers LP 

May I have your attention please? 
May I have your attention please? 
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? 
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up? 
We're gonna have a problem here 

Y'all act like ya never seen a white person before 
Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door 
And started whooping her ass worse than before 
They first were divorce, throwin' her over furniture 
It's the return of the... 
"Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding, he just didn't say what I think he did, did he?" 
And Dr. Dre said... 
Nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! 
Feminist women love Eminem 
"{*Eminem's vocal turntable*} Slim Shady, I'm sick of him 
Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what 
Flipping the you-know-who, yeah, but he's so cute though" 
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose 
But the worse is what's going on in your parents' bedroom 
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't 
But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose 
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips" 
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss 
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids 
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is 
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is 
By the time they hit fourth grade 
They got the Discovery Channel don't they? 
"We ain't nothing but mammals" 
Well, some of us cannibals 
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes 
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes 
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope 
But if you feel like I feel, I got the anecdote 
Win away your panty-hoes, sing the chorus and it goes 

1- I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady 
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating 
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? 
Please stand up, please stand up 

Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady 
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating 
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? 
Please stand up, please stand up 

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records 
Well I do so "Fuck him and fuck you too!" 
You think I give a damn about a Grammy? 
Half of you critics can't even stomach me let alone stand me 
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?" 
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here 
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears 
Shit Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs 
So I can sit next to Carson Daily and Fred Durst 
And hear them argue over who she game head to first 
You little bitch, put me on blast on MTV 
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee" 
I should download her audio on MP3 and show the whole world 
how you gave Eminem VD 
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups 
All you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you 
And there's a million of us just like me 
Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me 
Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me 
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me! 

Repeat 1 

I'm like a head trip to listen to cuz I'm only giving you 
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room 
The only difference is I got the balls to say it 
In front of y'all and I don't gotta be frost or sugar coated at all 
I just get on a mic and spit it and whether you like to admit it 
I just shitted better than 90 percent of you rappers out there 
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums 
It's funny cuz at the rate I'm going when I'm 30 
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting 
Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off or jerkin' 
Said I'm jerkin' but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working 
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking 
He could be working at Burger King spitting on your onion rings 
Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming "I don't give a fuck!" 
With his windows down and the system up 
So, will the real Shady please stand up? 
And put one of those fingers on each hand up? 
And be proud to be outta ya mind and outta control 
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go? 

Repeat 1 
Repeat 1 

Ha ha 
Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us 
Fuck it, let's all stand up