The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions Lyrics

"And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a
prestigious college." 

Dean: "Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations
on your upcoming graduation and I understand you are interested in
matriculating here in the fall." 

Buffoon: "I got a snake, man!" 

Dean: "Yes, pets are welcome here on campus. Be it the traditional dog,
or cat, or even the occasional reptile." 

Buffoon: "One time I fed it some beer man! It was slithering this way
and that! It was all fucked up!" 

Dean: "I'm sure it was. Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among
both students and pets here on campus." 

Buffoon: "Fuckin' Shit!" 

Dean: "Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this policy. So tell me a
little bit more about your background." 

Buffoon: "My father's a fucking asshole, man!" 

Dean: "Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age
son." 

Buffoon: "My mother's a piece of shit too!" 

Dean: "Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility over the
summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed and ready to
learn." 

Buffoon: "My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man! She had her
head way up her ass!" 

Dean: "Well the quality of the faculty at a University such as ours far
exceeds that of a local public high school." 

Buffoon: "Your secretary's a real fat bitch, man!" 

Dean: "Yes, she's tried many diets over the years with minimal success." 

Buffoon: "I had diarhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day!" 

Dean: "Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional stomach bug, never a
pleasurable experience. So have you given any thought to your choice of
major?" 

Buffoon: "I've got a big fucking boner right now." 

Dean: "I see. Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods of
nervous tension. I do not take offense." 

Buffoon: "One time I ate my neighbors shit!" 

Dean: "That's understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you. We'll be
sending you our decision by the end of the month." 

Buffoon: "I bet you got really hairy balls." 

Dean: "Yes, it's a veritable forest down there. Bye bye."